and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
