Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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