you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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