Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dating After Heartbreak
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point