Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me