You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.