This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.