so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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