I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
