we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize