fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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