Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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