I just made out with a guy for $7.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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