I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
