so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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