we're chasing vodka with high fives
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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