a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
