just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
