Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize