So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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