White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
this hospital has no fireball
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does it feel to date your dad?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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