I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
