We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
