I wish you could order shots online.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize