honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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