Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
