So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
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It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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