I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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