The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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