GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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