my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
