I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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