I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize