it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
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cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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