I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
As shirtless as possible
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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