Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
