she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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