K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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