So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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