cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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