I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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