It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
