Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.