I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Bring me that man meat