And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie