she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
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five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
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I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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