I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
