The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
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just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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