I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize