how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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