these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
