hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
