I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
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Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
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wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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