That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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