I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
